Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Here's To Old People

You know what I cannot stand? People who blame everyone and everything else for their problems except themselves. MISTAKES HAPPEN. We are all human. Why is it so hard to take responsibility for yourself? Sheesh.

When am I going to feel like an adult? I have been dealing with a slurry of scarily adult-sounding problems lately, things that deal with being mature and making good choices and knowing my boundaries and recovering from having my trust completely destroyed by someone who didn't deserve it (yeah, I'm over it, thank GOD), and my career and where I want to go with it, and what I am worth in the marketplace, and negotiating that and not taking things personally and all of that shit. Fuck. I just want to know, when is this going to end? When is the whole, learning-important-life-lessons-by-making-mistakes-you-will-never-make-again going to end? I'm exhausted, and I don't even have real problems. Problems like, how am I going to pay for health care and feed myself and my family, and oh gosh, I hope I don't get mugged or raped or shot today, and wow, I have cancer or my spouse is cheating on me, or my child or parent is sick, or I just lost my job. It is all about perspective, I suppose. What a baby I am. In fact, I am very, very blessed.

I guess that's not the point though. I have decisions to make and I just want to make the right one. So when will this end? I know the answer -- NEVER. Didn't some annoying person coin the annoying cliche that life is some kind of goddamn journey? And isn't that why old, wrinkled people are really wise? Here's to old people.

What, oh what am I going to do.


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