Sunday, April 30, 2006

La La La Love You

Really, "La, la, la, la, la" is all that is in my head right now and I'm just borrowing from Black Francis. Or Frank Black, or whatever his name is. I've gathered a great deal of excellent advice from a lot of smart people in the last few days, and I've come up with this: Decisions people make are not earth-shattering. You choose one direction and go that way, try not to look back, and adjust as life throws situations at you. Separating emotion out of rational decisionmaking is harder than I thought, though I may attribute part of that to my genitalia. That's an inarticulate way of saying that as a woman, I'm a lot more fucking emotional than I wish I was. There. I said it.

Universally across the board, it seems that people rely upon their gut more than we would think. This sends me on an expedition of wondering what our "gut" is. Exactly what is that instinct? I've talked to several people who have made important decisions solely on that undefinable gut feeling. Generally that gut is the best barometer of knowing what is the "best" decision for you. Is it physiological, genetic, psychological, or based on some innate ability to learn from mistakes and later engage in a sort of subconscious self-defense? Something has always told me that a guy is trouble (well, not always), that a condo is probably not the one for me, that a job is not the right one, that a person is not trustworthy, that maybe I shouldn't walk home from the El by myself tonight. What is it? Probably a combination of all of the above things. And as we get older, I suspect, our gut becomes more and more accurate. I can only hope, anyway. It's fascinating, and worth exploring.

OK I don't have a lot to say except that. I need to go swimming now for the first time in about 8 months, in preparation for a race in oh, three weeks. Hurray!


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