Sunday, May 22, 2005


Tout Doucement, by Feist, from Let It Die. No picture, because I am lazy.

OK, it's been awhile. And this will not be long. I am exhausted, but I'm sitting here enjoying the remnants of this perfect Sunday, with the window open and my iPod going, while I can.

I can feel summer, and I am so excited! I'm not a big fan of heat, as some of you may know, but for some reason, I have been longing for summer this year, and I am so happy that it's finally here. Today felt, looked, and smelled like summer. I'm feeling pretty good after my first race, which was a lot of fun, but also quite frightening. I've never been so afraid for my life while on a bike. Going 40 m.p.h on a steep downhill on road bike tires will do that. I could go on and on about why it is that I feel content and happy right now, what combination of hormones and chemicals, what means my brain or heart is using to deceive itself into feeling this way, or what circumstances or chain of events, but for now I am just going to enjoy it. I am not going to the bad place! When I and the people I care about are happy, that makes me happy. And I do have to admit, that one special and somewhat new person to my life has contributed to my feeling this way.

A character on Deadwood tonight said something to the effect of, "I don't want my life living itself for me." Lately, that is how I have been feeling. One of the themes of Tolstoy, one of my favorite authors, is that one can either make decisions by doing things, by acting, or reacting, to principles they hold for themselves, or they can let life make decisions for them by default. One of my greatest fears is to look back on my life and realize that important decisions, or even small decisions, were made passively by life and my floating through it, rather than actively and purposefully making decisions. That being said, there is, of course, such a thing as thinking too much about something as well. I don't know why I'm rambling about this, but I just repeat that I hope I will live my life, rather than having it lived.

By the way, if you haven't seen Deadwood, you need to, although now it is too late because the second season is over. Too bad.

Also go see Revenge of the Sith, but only if you are fan enough to describe the relationship between Obi Wan and Darth Vadar. Otherwise, don't waste your time or mine. God, the Star Wars films are great.


Blogger skitbraviking said...

Don't go to the bad place!

7:08 AM CDT  

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