Wednesday, November 07, 2007


I'm writing kind of a manifesto I have on a theory as to why "alpha" females typically end up with loser males who impregnate them and thereby satisfy the biological or society-imposed need to be married and procreate but ultimately disappoint them and drive them away. Coversely, alpha males usually end up with pretty, simple females who will tend house and won't generally complain or challenge, and subsequently have affairs on the side to stimulate their intellect and need for someone sexually interesting and exciting. I haven't yet figured out why it is so hard to find an alpha-alpha couple. Bill and Hillary, Barack and Michelle, but these are political couples and I am way too cynical to think Bill and Barack's decisions were not motivated in part by their awareness that their careers required an equal partner. I'm depressed to say that perhaps the biological differences between men and women are just too vast to overcome. Or, I'm living in the wrong fucking city, but that's a topic for yet another post.

But in the meantime, I just have to write a few thoughts down for the woodchipper category.

WTF is "rockabilly?" That is among the terms that I just ABSOLUTELY detest. Rockabilly? What the fuck is that!? Fucking hipsters. If someone I know actually uses that term in an effort to seem in the know, it would take a significant degree of self-control to keep me from slapping the shit out of them. Add to that: fixie, DIY, and PBR. SHOW, don't tell. Other words that are in the "if someone lacks the self-awareness or intelligence to realize what they sound like when they say [the word], s/he belongs in the woodchipper" category: Mag Mile, foodie, snarky. I mean, just think about what your state of mind has to be to let any of those words unironically come out of your mouth. Overuse of a popular food term, such as "edamame," "Meyer lemon," "empanadas," or "pomegranate" brings you dangerously close to the woodchipper. Christ, people. Any other suggestions that belong in the woodchipper category? The invitation is open to all.


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